An Open Letter To My Family and Friends About Miscarriage

 

October is infant loss awareness month, According to http/www.firstcandle.org/october-is-awareness-month/

“Each and every day, in communities across America, expectant moms will feel their baby’s first kick; parents will listen to their newborn’s first cry; and families will celebrate the birthday of a healthy baby. Also each and every day, 13 babies will be lost to SIDS and other sudden, unexpected infant deaths; more than 70 new parents will have listened sadly their stillborn baby’s silence; and countless lives will be lost to miscarriage and other causes of infant death.

A few of the Green Bay Doulas have experienced loss and Sam, one of our postpartum placenta specialists was gracious enough to share with us, and you, the following words.

An open letter to my family and friends about miscarriage.

My husband and I had a discussion yesterday that hit home with me: if I want people to know I am grieving, I actually have to tell them. So here it is…

There will be no funeral for the child that has already gone to heaven, so tiny that I never got to hold them with my hands but only with my heart. I will never forget the baby I wished for, and the day baby left.

I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, to think “wow, her life sucks”, or throw me a pity party. I can do that all by myself. I just want people to know I am sad, mourning for my baby and all the hopes and dreams that went with my angel in heaven.

Please don’t say “well you’re young you can always try again” or “things always happen for a reason”. I wanted this baby, not any other, and there is no good reason why babies die.

If fact, you don’t have to say anything. A quiet prayer or a lit candle works quite sufficiently.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I want to make a difference in the world by supporting women as a bereavement doula, and never once thought that I would have the experience in loss myself. I hope that when I reach that point, when things get a little easier, I can support other women and let them know it is ok to talk about loss and we shouldn’t have to hide the hurt.

Love you all,

Sam