If Only I Had A Doula When….My Mother Died

If only I had a doula when my mother’s co worker called me saying she had been not feeling well and was taken by ambulance to the hospital.

 

If only I had a doula when I called said hospital and immediately was transferred to the chaplain. I knew what that meant.

 

If only I had a doula to tell me my first step was to feel. That it was ok to lose it, to lay on the floor screaming, aching, longing, struggling to process what was happening.

 

If only I had a doula not feel for me, but to be present for me. That anyone who looked at me was filled with pity, and sorrow. I wish I had a doula to say, “take one step at a time”.

 

If only I had a doula when I needed to know options about funeral arrangements, instead of a room full of my family forcing options, what they wanted, what she would have wanted. A doula to talk me through my options of probate, to sit with me while I cleaned out the house of 23 years of our memories as an only child and single parent household.

 

If only I had a doula when I needed someone to support me as I stood there shaking hand after hand for 4 hours at the visitation and “I’m so sorry” was the only thing people could say. To hold me when I lost it, finally, at the funeral, for being strong can only last so long.

 

If only I had a doula when I needed the support to come from someone who unbiasedly thought about me, with no judgement and not related to me or friends who knew my mother and tell me it was ok to be human.

 

The one solid piece of advice I got was when I turned on my mother’s cell phone that I dug out of her purse, turned it on and the screen said “Be Brave”. I learned that day, that even angels can be doulas. Finally, someone said
something other then I’m so sorry.

 

Authored by

Emily Jacobson

Three Cheers for Pit!


I can hear you now, “Did she just say that?” Yes, Yes I did. I want to open up the conversation, bring it out from the darkness that we at Green Bay Doulas are experts in options and yes, pitocin is one of them. Open your mind and keep reading…..

 

Your next question is probably: “How can a doula be in favor of pitocin!?” Easy! It’s not my job as a doula to make sure you have a 100% all natural medication free birth, if that’s your goal that is up to you and I’ll stand by your side and support you! We don’t advocate at Green Bay Doulas, you are strong and can speak for yourself. We provide you with info so that you can make the decision that is best for you. We are not medical professionals. We will support you through your journey, but we will not tell you how to birth. This is your journey not ours.

 

Ok, I still feel you rolling your eyes at me, “But Emily women have been giving birth for thousands of years without medications “ this is true! But, remember 1 in 3 died in childbirth. We have all, but lost the ability to squat, we don’t eat the same foods as they did either, we drive everywhere, and sit for extended periods of time at work. This world is different, which makes women and they way we give birth different and (brace yourself) some women need the assistance to deliver their babies. They shouldn’t be shamed for their choice! It’s not your choice to make, not your baby, and you aren’t a doctor so stop with the natural is the only way to go because for some moms it’s not.

 

The management of Pitocin or synthetic oxytocin has progressively gotten better in the last five years, at least in my personal experience, from when I started as a doula. There are still many factors that come into play so let’s talk about some:

 

Pitocin=Epidural – NOT ALWAYS! Sometimes all you need is a very small amount. There are times it does mean more intensity, but it depends on the women and how she perceives labor pain.

 

Pit isn’t created equal – Let’s talk about provider protocols- some doctors are more laid back and some are more aggressive in their personal pitocin protocol so this is a great subject to bring up during your doctor’s appointment!

  • When do they use pitocin?
  • How much do they start at?
  • How often will they increase the dosage?
  • What is the perfect pattern of contractions look like when using pitocin?
  • How does pitocin work?
  • Do the other doctors in the rotation use the same protocol?

 

When a women has been in labor for an extended period of time they can become tired, well not only them, but it’s also true for their hard working uterus! A tired uterus can lead to failure to progress, stall out the labor, but using pitocin can help assist the uterus which can prevent a cesarean can you believe it?

Pitocin can sometimes prevent a cesarean!

 

Beyond that if a uterus is tired the risk of hemorrhage after the baby is born is a real concern to medical providers.  This is a common reason why women receive pitocin after birth, via IV or a shot in the leg. Again, this is about choices, talk to your medical provider about their protocol for third stage management of the delivery of placenta.

 

I understand this isn’t an easy topic to talk about. We have all heard the horror stories, but unless we open the conversation about medical management of medicines we will always be stuck at the intersection of horror stories and evil pit.

 

I’m proud that Green Bay Doulas are extensively trained through ProDoula to be able to support any type of birth. We don’t have a birth philosophy, because it’s not our birth. We don’t assume a women should give birth a certain way. We provide judgement free, nonbias support, and we aren’t afraid to talk about the real concerns of women as they prepare to birth their babies.

 

If you’d like to hear more about the support we provide at Green Bay Doulas please contact us at (920) 246- 0200 or email us at information@greenbaydoulas.com
By: Emily Jacobson